- How much are you willing to give to improve your marriage relationship?
I have seen, in recent times, how people pay a lot of money to have personal growth and development lessons – I have paid some too because I value myself and truth be told, those programs have totally transformed my life and given me a mind shift in many areas.
Sadly, we seem to seek knowledge and apply wisdom in everything else but marriage.
Many of us need a mind reset as regards marriage and relating with our spouses.
Sometime ago a friend of mine, who had been married less than five years at the time said to me “I feel like I dint know a half of what I was getting into!” There are a lot of people like my friend.
Knowledge, they say, is POWER!
My pastor Rev. Tokula always says “if you know better, you will do better”.
Scripture admonishes husbands to deal with their wives with understanding. I have discovered that you need to study a subject for a period of time to gain good, working knowledge (understanding) of it.
In the same light, it is necessary to constantly study the marriage institution and seek to understand each other (as husband and wife). It will amaze you to see that the more you know your spouse, the more you want to know them.
I am reminded of a marriage enrichment challenge we engaged in some time ago; a part of the challenge required making love to your spouse for 7 consecutive days (no excuses, I’m tired or not in the mood had to go out the window-I know I am not alone on this one- you all know these excuses now).
Anyways, I realized that the more I had sexual relations with my husband, the more I wanted to. It was, and still is such an awesome feeling! It’s also exciting to know that we have a lifetime to learn and grow together as a couple.
Truly, whatever you give attention to, grows and blossoms before you.
God knows exactly what he’s up to and that is why he constantly shows us in scripture how his love relationship with the church (us-believers in Christ Jesus) should be the mirror image of our marriages.
The more time we spend in the place of prayer and fellowship with our first Love, speaking to him and hearing him speak to us; experiencing his presence in the most amazing ways such that most times it’s inexplicable; the more we want to be with Him! But the further away we stay from him, the further away our hearts go from him. We lose interest in spiritual things and begin to compromise!
I urge you to see the value God has placed in you as a person, in your spouse and then as in your marriage.
Every marriage has a purpose, find that purpose and begin to develop your marriage to move in the direction of purpose.
No matter how good you believe your relationship is, there is more—it can be better!
As you pay the price for personal growth and development, you should pay the price for marriage enrichment, enhancement, development. Seek the services of marriage counsellor or coach.
Learn how to be a better wife/husband and consequently, have and enjoy a better marriage.
Have regular marriage evaluation sessions (Orgem and I do this a lot). Ask real questions and pay attention to the answers. For example,
How are you doing?
What would like me to do better?
How would you want me to improve in this or that area?
What am I not doing that you would like me to start doing? And so on.
Please don’t just respond “fine” vaguely! Be honest, speak the truth in love. And be patient to get a good response without judging your spouse for being honest.
Keep speaking kindly to each other. Don’t stop writing love notes and buying gifts.
Admire and complement each other. Encourage, support, and always believe the best of each other.
Pray for and with each other. Take the holy communion and constantly speak over your marriage and your home. Keep the Blood sacrifice of Jesus always before you- this sacrifice is the assurance we have of a successful marriage after all is said and done!
Take every opportunity to celebrate your love. Stoke the fire of your love and let it grow!
Marriage is good hard work! Have fun doing this work and see the timeless, priceless results that will immerge.