Often times, people with problems don’t realize they are the cause of their own problems (they’re in denial). They believe the reason for their troubles is someone else or a certain unfortunate circumstance.


It’s true that people and circumstances beyond your control could have a negative impact on your relationship but ultimately, you are responsible for how you respond to them.

Maturity means taking responsibility for your situation and making the effort to find a solution.

Stop the blame game. If you will make progress in any of life’s endeavours especially your relationship. You cannot insist on your own way or on being always right, trust me, it’s a terrible place to be.

The Love Chapter says “Love does not insist on its own way”.


Where you are now is a product of yesterday’s responses. Today’s choices will reflect in your future.

So, before you respond to your spouse in any situation, be sure that you won’t regret it tomorrow. If the reason for your fight won’t matter in the next few days or weeks or maybe years, then it’s not worth your attention.


Rev. Arome Tokula says “The marriage covenant is a place where you give up your rights and take up responsibilities.”


What choices are you making today?

Are you ignoring your responsibilities and claiming your rights instead?

Start where you are, with little things like

  • admit you were wrong,
  • say only what you really mean,
  • apologise sincerely when you have offended,
  • be quick to forgive even if it’s not demanded
  • be a man/woman of your word,
  • give your spouse permission to complain without being judgemental, amongst many other things.

This is maturity, this is choosing to be responsible over being right.